Joy of Staying Now - Deletion of The Blog Posts

I've come to decide that I will delete all my past blog posts.

Yes.

All 240 of them to be deleted this week.

Here I'm explaining the reason why.

................................................

"Now, I have something for my son to read about me when he's bigger."

One day, with some sense of relief, this notion came up within me as I thought about my blog.

Then, I went '???'.

That was the moment I caught myself thinking that this blog was a record of my expansions: a tiny bit of me was expecting that this would show him who I really am in case he wouldn't be able grasp the whole picture of me when he grows up.

What do I mean "The whole picture of who I really am'?

I went on talking to myself.

Am I thinking such a thing is possible as grasping someone else's whole picture?

Am I going to settle for less than being who I really am in front of my son right now as I count on the fact that there will be my writings for him to fill up the missing parts in future?


The answer was 'No'.


No one can know other humans in their entirety as the others we think we know are just the images that we created in our heads from the little experiences we had with them.
So, his mother is his own creation made from the experiences he had with me, but not myself.


Instead of expecting my son to find out who I have been, why not be ok with being here as I am now including my imperfections and flaws? 

Just like making flower mandalas,

Why not stay just in 'Now'?

Why not start brand new each time?

Why not be ok with who I am and what I create right now?


.......

..........

............. Why not delete the blog? (My true self's voice) 


!!!!!!

OH NO! 

No, no, no!

I spent 2 years writing these!
And I put so much of myself into writing them!
This is the pulsing artery of myself!

.......🙄


As soon as I heard my (ego's) response, I realised what I had there was an attachment.

With that realisation, I was ready to delete the blog.


...........


It doesn't mean I stop writing.

I will continue to write but my blog will consist only a couple of posts at a time and they will be deleted after a few days of being published.

I am ever so passionate about writing.

But I don't need to cling onto what I write.
I can let them go and start again.

Just so that I can be in front of you now.

Not from the memories of the past.
Not from the expectations of the future.

But I stay only here and now.