Fear of Being Judged By Others: Vol.1

Lately in different situations, few people expressed their fear of being judged; how other people think of them.

Although I wrote few blog posts about the theme previously (...and deleted them all!), I will write it again.

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Up until recent years, I was full of fears of judgments from others.

I was concerned so much about how people would think of me.

If she sees my son's eating crisps she might think that I'm a bad mother who feeds crap to my son all the time.

If I don't ask him what he wants, he might think that I'm a selfish person who care only my needs.

If I don't attend this meeting, people might think that I don't care about the community.

Does it sound like I was a tiny powerless mouse?

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!

It's the opposite!

I was the brand ambassador of Passive Aggressive. 🐿🥊

YES!

I was totally judging people around me.

I was judging her that she was the kind of person who thought I was a bad mother if she saw my son eating crisps.

I was judging him that he was the kind of person who thought I was a selfish person who cares only my needs.

I was judging them that they were the kind of people who would think I didn't care about community if I didn't attend a meeting.

I was the judgemental one.

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But what I've been finding over and over again was that the world is a kinder place than I imagined.

She didn't see me as a bad mother. She was just happy to see my son enjoying a bag of crisps so much.

He didn't see me as a selfish person. He was perfectly capable of taking care his own needs.

People didn't think that I didn't care about the community. They understood that I was busy that night and went ahead with the meeting.

What lacking from me was the trust.

The trust that people were kind.

The trust that they operate from good hearts.

The trust that...people are not there to pick on me. 

Besides, people are usually busy minding their own stuff!

(Well, if they are busy minding other people's stuff, then that's their problem, not yours. So, you don't really have to listen to that. )

So, it was my dramatic syndrome (?) that all the attentions were on me and everybody thought I was crap!!! 😂

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Anyhow.

I decided to judge people before trusting them.

But since when?

And why?

That went back to my relationship with my mother.

Yes.

It started a long time ago when I was a child.
I decided to believe that the world was a tough place instead of a place filled with kind people.

This may sound too decisive or too simple for you.

But if you are not happy with the way you are right now,

I say it is worthwhile to look at your relationship with your mother.

***to be continued.