Self Care and Motherhood

Other day, I had cola for the first time in over 30 years.

To be honest, I can't remember when I had one last.
So really really long time since I drank cola.

From my childhood days, I've known cola as something that...

Makes my teeth black.
Even worse, melts my teeth and bone!

After I studied nutrition in my adulthood,  I categorized it not as a drink but something useful to clean a rusty metal or drain pipes.

But other day when I and my son went to a cinema, I heard a woman next to me at the box office queue ordering a small coke.

On a dull rainy day, as we were getting excited about the film and popcorns, a small coke with lots of crushed ice appeared in my head as something so refreshing.

"Can I add a small coke, please."
While we were getting popcorns, I asked a stuff behind the counter.

My son's disbelief! 😲
"Are you having a coke?"

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For me, self care at first and foremost is to listen to our small voices.

That small voices we shush so often.
That small voices requesting things to you.

Getting cola is what my small voice requested.
My mind would shush it by saying "Are you crazy? It is not a drink. It's something for drain pipes! So bad for your teeth. All the chemicals, sweeteners would melt your teeth in a second!"

I know.
I know all that.
I've listened to my mind for as long as I've been conscious.

How about, for once, let me have cola as I wish?

......................................................................


Yes, it was overly sweet, full of chemicals but you know what?
I was happy.
I was going to watch a movie with a small coke on a rainy day.
There's no better place on earth than where I was in that moment.

As soon as we sat on our seats, my son spilled 90% of popcorns in the box on the floor.
Popcorns all over the place!🍿🍿🍿
Usually, I would have been cross at my son saying"Why weren't you more careful?" and feeling sorry for the stuff who had to clean all the mess at our row.

But you know what?
On that day, I was all calm, picked up the ones on the seat and on his lap and put them back into the box and smiled.
"Now, let's watch the movie!"

.................................................

I wonder how much I make myself suffer quietly everyday by following someone else's ideas, social norms and common sense.

How much do I shush my little desires?

We say "Follow your heart", "Follow your dreams", "Do what you want to do in your life".
But I don't think it's to do with your career or big achievements in life.

I got a feeling that it is to do with the small small wishes.
So embarrassingly insignificant desires in life, such as going to bathroom before you absolutely have to, drinking a cola with lots of crushed ice, eat what you want for lunch.

It's difficult for us.
Especially for mothers.

Sometimes you have to hold your pee because you just can't go to the loo as you wish when you are with small kids.
You think drinking cola is bad for you.
You cook dishes that your family like but not what you really want to eat on the day.

I know a mother of small kids who moved on to using Mooncup, not for environmental reasons, but just because she couldn't go to bathroom often enough to change her sanitary towels.

When I heard that few years ago, I decided to go opposite.
I went for cloth towels for my period.

Yes, I have to change them more often.
I have to pre-wash and soak before putting them into the laundry machine.

But I think I have to prioritize my wellness first on the few days of a month when I'm physically challenged most.

I'm not saying Mooncup is bad for you.
I'm saying I need extra care while I have period, and making time for washing clothes towels, to me, represents the care I give to myself.
.....................................................................

If you are a mother and feel sorry for snapping at your children often, I think it is time to question yourself.

How much do I make myself suffer quietly everyday?

Blaming yourself doesn't help because you didn't know: you thought there's something wrong with you that you have been so snappy and can't love you children as much as other mothers seem to love their own children.

Blaming your partners doesn't help either because they didn't know: you have been volutarily and quietly putting yourself into suffering by prioritizing others' needs.

You are the only person who can listen to you and care for you.

I decided that the most important job for me as a mother is smiling.

Yes!
I'm not a usual motherly mother.
My Japanese friends call me 不良ママ (The outlaw mamma!) since I do so much outside of the family life.🤣
But I'm doing my best to complete my job as a mother, which is 'being happy'.

I think there's nothing sadder for a child when mother is in bad mood because little people think it's their fault that mammy is not smiling.

Mothers!
We have important job to do.
Listen to your little voice.
Attend your needs first.
Don't mind what others think or say.

Your self care is most important care you can give to your family.