Kids' Screen Time - Parenting or...?

My childhood fun!!!: pic from www.itmedia.co.jp

Recently, I was asked my opinion about kid's screen time.

The question was if I think kids are watching too much TV, Youtube, etc. and if I think 'screen time' has negative effects on children.


My answer is... I don't know.


Well, I know there are studies showing negative effects of screen times on kids and many of my friends, who are both parents and non-parents, told me how they were scared of seeing kids fixated in front of screens.

But I would still say, I don't know.
Because it could be so individual and case by case.

Growing up, I used to watch TV everyday and had TV in my room. 
But I haven't owned TV for nearly 15 years now.

I used to be crazy about the early version of Nintendo. I couldn't wait to come home from school to hold the controller when I was 10! 🏃
But I haven't done computer games since.

I know someone who were brought up by hippie-non religious-parents and christened himself to Catholic later in his life. (⬅️slightly different case?) 😂

What I want to say is that, you don't know what effect things have in individuals' lives.
In my childhood, it was computer games but now it's smart phones and ipads.
We always find something problematic and worry about.

I'm more curious why we want to find problems.

I think life is a journey to collect proofs of what we decide to believe.

Screen time is bad.
Not eating vegetables is bad.
Kids should play outside in mud.

Ok. I agree to all of them.
But if I begin to use them as problems in my life, that's the time to question myself (not my child.)

In another words, if I get grumpy when my son is getting too much screen time, not eating vegetables, and not playing outside in mud, then, that's far more questionable than what my child is doing.

Why Am I Not Smiling...?


Because I want to have reasons to feel guilty as a bad mother.
The masochistic part of myself is always watching out for reasons to criticize myself.
Because if I manage to make myself believe that I'm not good enough, I would have a good reason not to try what I love to do in my life.
If I don't try, I would be safe from failures.

Yes, if I'm not smiling, it's nothing to do with my son's screen time.
It's to do with the fact that I am not doing what my heart desires.
It's to do with what I am scared of.

I think there's noting more difficult for kids than having a grumpy mother (I'm talking about myself here first).
Because little people think it's their fault that mummy is not smiling.
They would start watching mummy's eye movements and start to behave in order not to annoy mummy.

We think mother's love is great.
But I think children's love is greater than mothers' love.
Children love mothers no matter what kind person she is.
They just love you.

I don't know how much damage screen time would do to individual kids.
But one thing I'm sure of is how it is damaging for my son when I'm not smiling.

Why are we not smiling?
What are we making ourselves suffer for?

I feel that's where we need to look at first.
We can talk about the rest later.

Guilty Body is Healthy Body

Someone said guilty feeling is like a burp after a good meal.
It's only a natural reaction when you fulfill your needs.

We often feel guilty when we follow our bodies' desires.

When you choose to sleep instead of working late.
When you say "No" to social gatherings and choose to relax at home.
When you eat what you really want instead of following a gluten free diet.

So, I think feeling guilty after fulfilling your needs means you are healthy.
Just as being able to burp after filling meal means you are healthy.

Rather than suppressing your needs deep down, you let it come up.
Rather than suppressing the burp, you are letting it go up the oesophagus.

After every burps, you feel lighter and comfortable in your body.

Guilt is a necessary feeling if you are in tune with your body.

.........................................................

We often feel guilty when we follow our hearts' desires.

When you leave your child with someone to go to work/ do what you are passionate about.
When you focus on your creativity rather than productivity or profitability.
When you choose to have fun while others stay suffering (by choice).

Since I began facilitating a flower mandala making workshop, I've heard a good few people saying "Poor flowers! I feel guilty breaking those beautiful flowers."

And I understand where the guilt is coming from and I used to feel a bit like that, too!

Cutting those flowers that were happily blossoming in wild, dissecting them into pieces, only to be used for an ephemeral mandala which is nothing to do with productivity or profitability, no promise to cure anything but...

Only for our joy. 

There are many reasons why I find making flower mandala is wonderful.
One of the reason is it challenges us to face with our guilty feeling which could be a sign of doing a favor to our body and heart.

You singed up for a flower mandala making workshop and yet you feel guilty of making flower mandala for various reasons.
I trust that your unheard desires are there to be explored through making flower mandala for that reason.

I treat every bits of plant with respect and appreciate their wonder and beauty in details.
After I accept how costly I am as an individual human who needs those beauty and this way of expressing my creativity and has a desire to share with the world, stop economizing myself, my guilty feeling dissolved.
All I have now is a gratitude which is a fuel for me to do good to the world in return.

........................................................

If you follow your head, you wouldn't feel guilty.

Chopping flowers and dissecting them are wrong.
No productivity and no profitability means a waste of time.
Work instead of getting good night sleep.
Follow specialists' advice than your own instinct.
Give up what you are passionate about and stay at home for your family.

You are safe.
Not a chance of feeling guilty.

But if you follow your body and your heart desire, you have a good chance of facing your guilty feelings.

So, I don't want to be afraid of feeling guilty in my life.
It could be a sign that I've done my body and heart a big favor by listening to them.

Would you like to let it go like a burp or hold it down?

Going Against Norm

My business launched last month officially.

But you know what?
It really began much earlier than that.

It began the day I started to say 'NO'.
It began the day I stopped seeing people I don't get along.
It began the day I started to do what I want to do rather than what I have to do. 

You might wonder how that works? 🙄
Because it's said...

In the business world, the customers come first and sometimes you have to say 'Yes' to things you don't like.
For your business, sometimes you have to be friendly with people you don't get along.
In order to be successful, you might have to do things you don't like (certain ways of ads, promotions, going with trends, etc...)


Instead, I began to care for myself.
I began to accept myself as an imperfect being, on my way to learn more but also as someone who have something to share with others.
And I don't have to bend myself to fit into other people's styles.

My shape is not the same as yours.
But, like a piece of a jigsaw puzzle, there is a place only for me as you have your own place to fit.
If I tried to be you and squeeze into your space, I will never fit in.

• Saying 'NO'.
• Stop pretending to be a person who can get on with anybody.
• Do what I love. 

That's my business and that's My Self Care.

It might be norm that you separate your business and private life.
But to me, I have them intertwined.
My life is my business.

When I decided to set up my business, I swore to myself that...

I will only do what I love more than three meals! (foods are important to me...)
I will make a living out of something that gives me so much joy, to the point that I even forget to eat!

So, that's what I do.
And that's why I don't do certain things.

........................................................


I'm grateful that many enquiries for my sessions are coming in these days.

Some are to request for a session in different locations.
And I have to say 'No'.


Because my session is not only for those 2 hours I am with you.

It begins from choosing fresh herbs from my garden for a cup of tea to serve you when you arrive. 🌿

I pick seasonal flowers and leaves from my garden and neighbouring forest for you to make a mandala. 🌺🌼

I select essential oils to burn in the room.
I prepare a rug, cushions and throws to make you feel comfortable.

I don't give you much advice during the session as I want to use the time fully for listening to you and being with you.
Instead, I send you an email with feed backs and advice afterwards.

And I don't know if I can offer the same degree of care when I visit somewhere to hold a session.

I care what I do.
The care for you is the care for me.

So, I'm sorry I have to say 'No' to those requests.
I know I'm in a countryside and it is less accessible than being in a city but this is the reason.

And I have the deepest gratitude for those clients who came to see me from hundreds miles away.
I am grateful to have been at your service.
I am over the moon if you could find even just a single way to make use of me and what I offered.

..............................

This is not only about business.
But it's for everyday life.

The integrity to your pulsing heart, your creative mind and your sacred spirit.

Because you deserve nothing less.

What Is Failure?

The first half of 2019 has gone.

It has been active 6 months for me; starting up a new venture, facilitating workshops, being involved in acting, being invited abroad to sing and having been planted many seeds for the next half of the year.

One big gain for me throughout this time is that I've managed to digest and utilize an idea of...


Now is everything.


Yes!

It becomes a habit for me to be aware of my energy whenever I move.
I'm not concerned about the end result much, but am concerned if I am having fun right now.
I'm not valuing how I would feel once 'I succeed', but valuing the process I enjoy at each steps to get to the end.

Because I don't see much differences between success and failure anymore these days.

They are fleeting stuff.

Let's say, I facilitate a workshop in Dublin.

If someone in the group found it really interesting and asked her friend who works in Google to host my workshop in the Silicon Valley which resulted Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates making flower mandala side by side, then, I would always look it back as a great success that brought me to incredible adventures. 🌼🌺🙄🌻

But if I got involved in a car accident on the way back from the workshop, I might look it back and say "I wish I haven't done that workshop".

I just don't know.
It's the same workshop but I don't know how the external forces would work for/against me in future.
And in that regard, the past as well.
If something positive/negative happens relating to a neutral past experience, the past also changes to positively or negatively depending on now.

What is success and failure?
You never know until the end of your life how things would turn out.
Stephen Hawking said "God is quite a gambler." and so I feel.

So, rather than counting on the numbers on the dice, I decided to go for more countable stuff - NOW.

As long as I'm having fun right now, that's all it matters.
Nothing more important than paying attentions to the energy I emit.

There are business norms such as...

Post regularly on SNS to keep your online presence.
Have a website up as soon as possible.
Reply to the enquiries as soon as possible.

But to me, if I have to do those things for 'success', I feel exhausted and it takes joy out of what I do at the end.
My creativity dries up and I end up not much to offer to anyone.

Whereas, if I wait a little until the wave rises within me, I can be most creative and be useful for others.

Not moving is scary.
Especially, when I see other people moving forward swiftly.

But if it is all about how I am feeling right now, I know there's no one to compete with.

Yes.
In truth, whether it is business or anything else in life, there are no competitors, no success or failure.

It's just me in the present moment.

For The Little Child You Were

I use to hold my head in disbelief for how childish I could be, especially when I was dealing with my son. (I still do, sometimes.)

I saw myself reacting in childish ways to my son's childish behaviors!

He's entitled to be childish because he is five.
But I am not! 😩


Then, one day, I realized that the reason why I was acting like a child was because I hadn't been allowed to act like a child when I was, indeed, a child.
I was often required to behave like an adult when I was a child.

'Stop wanting it so much! You are the big sister. Let your sister have the pink mug.'
'Think about others' needs first.'
'Stop crying now.'

I swear my parents had no intentions, anything else than what they just said.
But especially as a big sister, even if it was just a year difference in age, I remembered being expected to restrain my feelings and desires frequently.

Well, if you are a child, when you want something, you just want!
Want, want, want!

If you are a child, when you are sad, you just cry!
Cry, cry, cry!

I think I wasn't doing that much.
I was explained why I should have behaved differently when I couldn't even explain why I want it or why I was crying. (Kids just do that!)

...............................................

Fast forward the time to the present.

I found myself telling my son...

'Stop asking me to buy everything you see!' (...because I'm not getting everything I want.)
'Why don't you let him play with the toy first?' (...because I'm letting others needs come first. So you should, too!)
'Stop crying.' (...because I'm the one who want to cry!)

And when my son didn't do as I said...I reacted like a child!


When I realized this mechanism, it was a blessing and a consolation to me at the same time.

I felt relieved that I knew what to do then.
I felt sad for my little child-self.

..............................................

Now?

Yes, my son still asks me to buy him toys and sweets whenever we go shopping.
I won't buy them.
But I'm happy for him that he can find so many things that he likes everyday.
I let him explore the toy sections and agree how nice they are and we go.

He cries when he hurts himself, when he has to leave his best friend's house.
I say how sore it must be, I say how difficult to say good bye to someone we love.
I let him cry until he stops.

When he doesn't want to share his toy with his friends, let him play first but suggest him to let others to try next.

.............................................

It's no point blaming my parents.
They didn't know - they thought it was a good manner to prioritize other's needs or stop crying straight and move on.
Or they had also been required to behave like an adult when they were small - being born just after the second world war in Japan.

All I needed was a consolation to my little child-self and an enquiry to my current self - what for that I'm making myself suffer?

That day, my adulthood started.