Now that I think of...
HOW UNREASONABLE I WAS!
Because children often behave certain ways with...no reason.
Ok, he might have too much sugar on that day.
Something might be triggered in him that I hurt him in the past.
I can try to reason his behaviour from the explanations in child psychology articles...
But also, they are the beings that they can go so far with a momental emotion so that they can not come back easily.
It's like a momentum temper driving them, nothing more than that.
In fact, I remembered the feeling in me as a little girl!
After a while, I didn't know why I was crying so hard.
After a while, I didn't know why I was pouting my lips and couldn't say sorry.
It was more of a physiological reaction based on sympathetic nervous system, 'fight and flight' condition...
On those occasions, it is actually unreasonable of adults to request children to behave reasonably or understand the situations.
Because it is treating them like adults!
They are two different matters: treating my son as an equal individual and treating him as an adult.
Expecting him to understand my explanations.
Expecting him to be reasonable.
Expecting him to deal with it calmly...
Little children are not meant to do that.
And yet, we adults request them to do that so often and praise the kids when they can do that.
"You are a good boy/girl!"
I found myself expecting too much from my son.
Just because he could.
In truth, a little child like him is entitled to be unreasonable, allowed to be 'childish'.
When a kid is not allowed to be a kid and being expected to behave like an adult, I think they can not be an adult when they grow up.
They still keep their inner child who weren't allowed to be childish when they were small.
.......................................................................
Other day, my son had a big disappointment.
My partner and I tried to console him and explained why the plan had to change.
He wasn't having it and spitted on my partner's jacket out of anger.
He was told off and asked to apologise.
Our explanations and reasoning weren't making any difference in the situation.
Our way of looking at him with piercing gazes wasn't doing any favour to anyone.
I stood up to go to the bathroom (I was bursting!).
When I came back, I opened my arms and he rolled onto my lap.
I wasn't talking about him any more but talking about myself.
"I'm not good at saying sorry. But I think someone who could say sorry is super cool. Like a super hero. Really cool. So, I want to be someone who can say sorry."
I stopped expecting him to apologise.
On that cue, a little red face murmured "...sorry."
I wonder why I forgot the feelings from the time I was a child.
Why do I refer parenting guidances more than how I felt when I was a child?
Why do I look at the child rearing from the perspectives of a parent, not as a person who used to be a kid herself once?
I have mare 6 years experience as a mother but have a full term experience as a child.
My son doesn't have any problems.
He is just being a child as rightly so.
It is my problem if I see his behavior as problems; it is a little child in me that I need to listen to.
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